Monday, December 17, 2012

Shattered Oaths

I really did promise myself that it would just be a short term situation.  A one time occurrence.  Everything should have returned to normal after one night, perhaps two, three at the absolute most.  But then how it's my current pickle explained? I'm feeling outrageously tired now, like I could simply fall over at any moment and arrive in dreamland while still in motion.  Earlier, I fell asleep on the forward and return trips to my violin lesson.  And I usually do doze off on those trips, but today was all out sleep where I noticed nothing around me.  This really needs to stop.  After all, it's finals week.

Maybe I didn't give the previous tests my complete attention.  And maybe all the tests turned out all right last week.  But finals.  That is around 20% of my grade in each class right there.  Am I going senile? I've told myself multiple multiple times that manga, anime, all of that nonsense could wait until winter break before I go under.  And dramas.  Especially dramas.

It's just a measly four days away from freedom though, so what am I doing? Why reading manga, crying over Lelouch, and giggling idiotically over the new Hana Kimi of course.  Goodness.  I must have a death wish.  This is really one of the busiest times of the year and here I am, wasting away time as though trying to make up for being (relatively) good this semester.  The Biology Open? Summer program applications? Dance performance? Violin audition? FINALS? Pshhh.  They've got nothing on me.

Right.  My mind's definitely crazy.

I've been sleeping around 3:30 for more than a week now.  Why? A person who loves sleeping as much as me.  Who hates waking up as much as me.  Why can't I make myself sleep earlier? I get this nagging feeling nowadays if I sleep before midnight telling me that I could be losing myself in the Internet instead of wasting time sleeping.  Geez.  What's up and what's down?

And today..I ate so much chocolate too.  After I said that I would be good and try to eat more fruits and veggies from now on...

Crazy.  Totally.

Anyways, on a better note.  I got my PSAT scores back on Friday!!!! Hehe, I exceeded all of my greatest hopes and my mom's highest expectations! A 237!!! Wooooo ;)

(Of course, she automatically set even higher standards for me to met, so technically I never met her expectations, but yeah.)

Anddd, I'm actually going to turn my laptop off now.  Throw it into the hall in order to avoid temptation.  Glance over my econ notes.  And sleep like the dead.

Thursday, November 22, 2012


Ahhh, it's finally Turkey Break but I feel as though all of my angst has decided to just make a reappearance. Without warning. Of course.

 I mean, I had completely planned out already that I was going to spend this week being a good student. Working on all the essays that have been piled up (well...), the projects that need start (okay, maybe not good), and of course, some frantic studying to prepare for the SAT's, some sort of biology test I'm taking (whaat), and the periodic interschool academic competitions that I'm supposed to be good at. Life's become almost like a comedic story.

Its unexpected plot twists are so crazy that they match up perfectly with those of popular fiction novels. Ohh. Wow.

I'm so tired.  But aren't I just fighting myself? I'm only stressed out, short on time, dying of work, etc. because I slacked off, found some delightful obsession, tore apart my carefully organized study schedule to ..well..obsess over things.  And I feel like it's all dejavu.  Cause really, didn't this happen last year as well? Even around the same time? Even when I know what to prevent...and failing that, what to stupidity seems to overcome all my reason, throwing my emotions into a large mixing pot, and enable me to make the same mistakes on the same godforsaken metaphorical road, ending every journey as a mess of nerves and self-loathing.

Not quite true this year.  But then again, I'm hoping that spelling this out so plainly for myself, laying bare and untangling my thoughts, can give me enough motivation to turn around, climb out of the hole, and work hard enough to make up for what's been lost.  My mind though, reminds myself that my heart is uninterested in longterm goals.  As I face my own inability to comply with what I know is right, my desire to stray  grows exponentially.

Actually, I'm not too sure if this post is supposed to be an odd sort of motivational or just a delusional rant by my dying soul.  Really should be the former.  Or, well, I might have more problems to worry about.

To end on a better note, here's what I've been up to recently! It was for a virtual competition, but I hope everyone will enjoy it!!! The instrument is a Chinese zither and, translated, the piece is "High Mountains, Flowing Water".  (It has HD quality options that make me look like less of a withered hag) ;D Oh, and it's kind of long, but if you have one a minute or two, listen to my favorite part at 4 min! I would love any comments, feedback, questions, all of it!!

P.S.- Though this is already such a lengthy post, I really must put this out.  Stay til the end for my smile!! Haha, yeah..nothing important.  

Good night and happy turkey eating ;)

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Car J'ai Sommeil

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." ~Oscar Wilde

Sunday, October 21, 2012

A Self-Conscious Introvert?

“It occurred to me that I have the potential to be pretty damn good at being myself. Which would be good, I think. It would be great. But first, I’m pretty sure I need to admit who that person is.”

Friday, September 28, 2012

For You In Full Blossom

AHHHHHHH I need to watch this drama so badly T.T But I know that if I start now I'll start having even more schedule troubles and whatnot and seriously just collapse in class one day. But whyyy, after I waited a year for it, why was it started this summer? Grrr. Better question, why am I so busy these days?

I'm just going to crawl into a corner and console myself with the fact that I can catch up after the PSAT and watch THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER with EMMA WATSON and LOGAN LERMAN. Gosh. Maybe all this nervous energy is finally breaking down my composure..

Too Stressed

'All goes to show that the soul in man is not an organ, but animates and exercises all the organs; is not a function, like the power of memory, of calculation, of comparison, but uses these as hands and feet; is not a faculty, but a light, is not the intellect or the will, but the master of the intellect and the will; is the background of our being, in which they lie,—an immensity not possessed and that cannot be possessed."



"The shows of the day, the dewy morning, the rainbow, mountains, orchards in blossom, stars, moonlight, shadows in still water, and the like, if too eagerly hunted, become shows merely, and mock us with their unreality."


Tuesday, September 11, 2012


What's so simple in the moonlight, by the morning never is.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Almost Like Me, Just More So

"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet."

Sylvia Plath

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Belle Reve

A Streetcar Named Desire. When a dreamer dies, what happens to the dream?

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Don't Judge

"Socializing is as exhausting as giving blood. People assume we loners are misanthropes, just ­sitting thinking, ‘Oh, people are such a bunch of a******s,’ but it’s really not like that. We just have a smaller tolerance for what it takes to be with others. It means having to perform. I get so tired of communicating."

Anneli Rufus

Friday, September 7, 2012

Drowning in Knowledge

"I am so busy keeping my head above water that I scarcely know who I am, much less who anyone else is."

Sylvia Plath

Such Intense Writer's Block

"Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down, and either you over dramatize it, or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to." Sylvia Plath

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Budding Coincidences

Wow. Just two three days after I FB chatted with one of my friends from middle school and joked about another accidental meeting this summer, I ran into him at the library! Hahah, Sophie was also there, and the two of them were studying for the SAT subject tests, though they did not meet by design.

Only on my second attempt to converse with them did Sophie and Brian start to really talk with me again; at one lull in the conversation Sophie even asked why I was leaving so soon, so of course I sat and threw some more short lived topics onto the table. In the end, I stayed there for nearly 45 minutes while my mom and brother waited by the door.

We tried to arrange a movie date three or four times, but it fell through each time as we weren't really sure what movies are currently playing and Sophie was rather difficult to sway. Well, that and it was mostly me bringing it up. The only other recurring topic was of the IB program and how the block scheduling works. Brian in particular was interested in this while Sophie , well, remained Sophie.

Overall, they're pretty much the same as they were two years ago, though perhaps our conversations were just a tad bit more awkward this afternoon. Here's to fate's collisions!

I really must write an extra long post tomorrow to wipe this entry from the front of my blog.


I don't think I particularly like coffee. The taste is nice makes me so so sleepyyy. And it's only 11 in the morning. Never again.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Waltz of the Hours

So today, with a sprained ankle from almost four weeks ago, I participated in our ballet school's Spring Concert. Three sessions of it today. True, for the first two we were only opening the show for the cutesy little kids and so we only did one piece each, and we only had to take two warm-up classes total, so it wasn't that tiring.

But as always, what can go wrong will go wrong. When we did our modern piece (which apparently has a costume that my mom quite enjoyed, though I think it looked disastrous) from the very beginning luck was not on our side. For the sake of time, I will not even begin to divulge all the details. For our contemporary ballet piece, we exited the stage without waiting for a blackout (not that the audience would have noticed, or cared for that matter). The last piece, our performance of Waltz of the Hours from Coppelia, went smoothly and was rather enjoyable, except for the fact that one dance before ours, the shoulder strap of my costume completely popped off.

And then there was finale. It was at that time that I found out that Austin not only could not differentiate between me and Vanessa, but did not even know my name. He did however, know that one of us was Vanessa. How's that for someone I met before Vanessa did? And he's even called me by name in years past.. What, did he think I disappeared off a cliff or something? Boys.

Thursday, May 10, 2012


Why am I so superstitious?? Well, let's start with..I'm not. At least, not most of the time. But next week I have three AP exams, and just in case since it's the end of the week now this looming threat will carry over, I must ensure that predetermination of my testing fate is avoided. Phew. Well, don't look at the pic below if you haven't already. Sorry to do this guys, but you understand right? I can't fail my APs..

If it makes any difference, i tried making the picture smaller!


Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Sixteen and Legal

What am I feeling right now? Well, certainly not older. But maybe a bit nostalgic, a bit regretful, and even a bit hopeful as well?

Ohh AP Exams, why must you interrupt what should be the sweetest of birthdays in Western culture? I must also add that the Calc exam today was rather distressing. Especially those two pesky multiple choice choices that I ended up leaving blank cause our teacher didn't think it was necessary to give a five minute warning before we stopped. Goodness. That may have been the difference between a 4 and a 5 right there. Hypothetically of course. I'm not sure that I can be that optimistic about my scores, though I am feeling better after a certain Micah incident which Ben managed to resolve for me. Haha, I'm not allowed to discuss the exam specifically yet so here I am making vague statements in the hopes that it's better than nothing..

Well, the free response questions and answers should be released onto the college board website by the weekend, so excuse me while I go busy myself biting my nails in anticipation. Though in all honestly, maybe I should try putting all of this behind me until after I've finished my other three AP exams lest it negatively affect my later testing moods.

May you have good luck always on your AP exams and school finals!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Happy Birthday?

Oh wow. Tomorrow's the 9th of May. I'm turning 16. Shouldn't this be a happy date? But really, I feel awful about tomorrow, and for more reasons than one.

My primary aversion though, is to the AP Calculus BC exam I have tomorrow morning and the AP Biology Final tomorrow night for my online course. Ohhhh, I'm feeling old now. And I also feel like my chances are slowly slipping away. I mean, don't all these famous kids these day achieve fame by sixteen? Or maybe seventeen eighteen at the latest..

Haha, is this what they call a mid-life crisis? Except maybe more..'pre'-midlife crisis?

Monday, May 7, 2012

Elyar Fox

My absolute favoritist garçon!!! Yup, that's right, even more so that One Direction (though they are delish as well). Soo, today I'm going to fling out some more positively ravishing pictures of Elyar, because, you know, I just cannot resist his charm.

Let's start with a very recent picture and then go on from there ;)

Ahh, I think five is enough for today. Imma shuffle over to the replay button now~ Never give up Elyar, we're all sending our wishes!! Elyar~

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Couldn't Resist

Remember how I said that once I'm obsessed with something, I'm really obsessed with it? Well, here are some scrumptious quotes from ~One Direction~

"One day we went to a farm and they asked us if we'd like to ride horses, but there were only four, so Harry rode a cow." -Liam

"When Harry gets out of the swimming pool he looks like a baby Tarzan." -Liam

"We actually have secret Twitter accounts where we act like fans." -Niall

"Who's the laziest?" Niall: "Zayn sleeps a lot." Zayn: "He eats a lot." Louis: "You didn't answer the question."

"I drew a cat recently and Louis asked me why I was drawing a giraffe." -Harry

Zayn: "If you could wish for anything what would it be?" Harry: "I would wish for two more wishes!" Zayn:"You're weird."

"A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell." - Harry

"I don't eat pig, so I've got chicken. Special chicken. Cause I'm special." -Zayn

"Zayn can make a girl faint, just by looking at them. He's truly a Power Ranger." -Niall

Louis: "I am a man with a big dreams." Harry: "his bum's name is 'dreams'."

"What do you most like about being in 1D?" Liam: "My 4 bestfriends, of course." Everyone: "N'awww!" Harry: "I like the girls."

"I prefer to date younger girls to be more protective." -Zayn

"I hate it when girls act stupid because they think it's cute. Intelligence is sexy." -Niall

"Zayn is afraid of the dark. And can't swim. But still, he's a real man for us." - Harry

Harry: "My mom still calls me her baby..." Zayn: "Aw, baby!" Harry: "Zayn, your mom calls you her little baby..."

Harry: "Never mind the age of a girl." Louis: "So you'd date a 13 year old?" Harry: "Why not?"

"What do the rest of you look for in a woman?" Zayn: "I want someone to show me what I'm looking for."

Niall: "If Harry's wearing a hat, it means he slept with someone the night before."

“Once I cried in a restaurant because the waitress told me I couldn’t eat my soup with a fork, I had to use a spoon.” -Liam

"If this was your last day on earth, what would you do?" Harry: "Buy some cats."

"Would you rather kiss a girl or eat pizza?" Harry: "Kiss a girl." Niall: "Eat pizza."

"If I was Zayn, I would date myself." -Niall

"Who would you most like to do a duet with?" Liam: "Niall!" Niall: "Liam, I'm in a band with you." Liam: "Oh yeah."

"If you had an elephant where would you hide it?" Harry: "In a room" Zayn: "In a tunnel" Louis: "Why are we hiding an elephant?"

"The other boys aren't allowed to wear stripes." -Louis

"Girls are the same all over the world, aren't they? They're all beautiful" -Liam

"Blondes or brunettes?" Niall: "Blondes." Zayn: "Both." Harry: "Brunettes with a beautiful smile." Liam: "I don't care." Louis: "Harry."

Niall: "What's your favourite song on the album?" Fans: "We love you guys." Louis: "That's on the next album."

"Harry watched Titanic 10 times, and at the end, he always cries." -Niall

"I was about to hug a fan, but she said she wants to hug Lou. She was about to hug Lou, but Lou said he wants to hug me." -Niall

"Truth is, I don't mind getting a black eyes or a broken arm for a girl as long as she's there to kiss it after." -Harry

Zayn: "We got lost in Sydney." Louis: "We were just roaming the streets, looking for friends."

"Living with Harry has it's benefits. He gives good massages, cooks well and he is constantly saying I Love You." -Louis

"I had a bike when I was 3, it was hard to ride, but I'm Harry Styles" -Harry.

"Any phobias?" Liam: "Spoons!" Zayn: "Water and heights" Louis: "Growing up" Niall: "Waking up in the morning" Harry: "Crocodile eggs"

"We were in Harry's house and he pretended to be a whale. His mother came in and told him to stop making sexual noises." -Niall

"What's snogging?" Harry: "Making out." Louis: "Show 'em Harry!"

"Niall is always hungry because he has an angel eating inside of him. That's why he sings like one." -Liam

"It's quite funny when people give you a second look and realise who you are." -Niall

"I'd kill for a super intelligent girlfriend" -Harry

Niall: "If Liam is with me, I feel like, I'm a baby or a girl" Liam: "Niall, finish your food" Niall: "See?"

"If I could spend a day with a fan.. I would do a dinner date under the moon light." -Zayn

"Being single doesn't mean that you're weak, it means that you're strong enough to wait for what you deserve." -Niall

"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" -Louis to Harry

"Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches." -Liam

"Zayn hates liars. If you lie to him, it would be hard to earn his trust again... Unless you're me." -Liam

"What’s the correct reaction when a fan asks you to sign her boobs?" Harry: "Which one?"

Niall: "I'm a math genius!" Louis: "What's 675 books + 345 books?" Niall: "A Library! ask me harder questions, Louis!"

"Girls who dont wear make up are more beautiful." -Niall

"Your scariest moment with a fan?" Zayn: "We were in a room & people were licking the windows,it felt like we were in a zombie movie."

Liam: "Why didn't the chicken cross the road?" Niall: "Because I ate it."

Zayn: "Niall likes to make his name out of alphabet spaghetti, but we have to help him cause he usually just eats it all."

"Until I find the perfect girl, I have Louis." -Harry

Zayn: "Liam and I were messing around once and we accidentally kissed.."

"Tall girls are hot, short girls are cuties." -Harry

Fan: *meeting Zayn* I can't breathe! OH MY GOD! Zayn: Please breathe.

Louis: "Harry was such an adorable kid, he was blonde and always had red cheeks." Harry: But now.. I'm sexy."

"I really want a son! I don't care if I have to have 20 girls to get one!" -Louis.

Harry: "Dude, she has a boyfriend." Niall: "So? Football has a goal keeper, but it doesn't mean you can't score."

Niall: "Harry is the youngest, but everyone believes that I am." Louis: "That's bcause you're very cute and Harry is more perverted."

"Liam once forgot the lyrics during the performance so he tapped on his microphone and pretended it wasn't working" -Niall

"Zayn pisses me off sometimes, how can he be so stunning, without even trying?" -Niall

Haha, some of these just made me chuckle. As for the rest, well, I couldn't resist ;) But goodness, this turned into a huge list.. I promise it wasn't supposed to be this long, just a few of the funnier quotes really. But everything they say is so funny! And..we all know about my obsessive nature, no? Lolol, One Direction!!!


I hate it when I get my hopes up and then get absolutely, completely crushed. Life has been one huge disappointment for me, full of could-have-beens, should-have-beens, and would-have-beens. To be honest, I look forward for it to be all over. But something keeps me going, little by little. I wonder if it will be worth it in the end.

Haha, jk. Well. For the most part.

I did have an illuminating day though. Of course, what I realized was all awful, but it was enlightening just the same.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Only One Direction

Oh yes. One Direction is the only band out there for me. Well, for these next few months at least ;)

So who's a fan? Or the better question is probably..who isn't? Heehee.
British perfect.

And here is Harry Styles, my absolute favorite of the boys!!

Mmm, Harry is the youngest of the group, and so the closest in age to me as well >:D But he's also ridiculously cute, and his voice is like such a dream.

Next..Zayn Malik!

He just has such an air of mystique surrounding him. And I haven't particularly cared for thick eyebrows before, but that and his hair just work on him. Soooo hot~

Meet Niall Horan now ;D
Ahhh, I don't even know how to express my adoration of his hair and eyes. He has such a kind, considerate air about him too, très attractif!

It's Louis Tomlinson!

Is he not just the cutest? He seems so intense, but without losing his casualness..

And the last member is Liam Payne ;)
Seems almost Bieberesque, no? But he manages it so much better~

Oh divine forces, je les adore! How do people even become so attractive? Go One Direction!! Fighting all the way <3

Now..they're touring *faint* in my area this June, but my mom isn't going to let me go. I haven't exactly asked her yet, but I did mention the concert at one point a few weeks ago and my mom just looked at me for a second before asking me how my AP exam preparations were coming along.. And that reminds me, I should be going now -.-" Haha, maybe I can go if I do really well? Nevermind, there aren't many rewards in Asian systems. Besides, the results for the exams won't even be released until July.

On a happier note though, I took a Biology practice exam last night, and I did really well! This is the fourth exam that I've taken, my first score being a shocking 66 out of 100. But yesterday, yesterday I managed to pull out an 85 out of 100!! I still have some work to do on the essay, but this is calming me down a bit. Except..the AP Calc exam is this Wednesday *facepalm*. I suppose I'll be going now..

Friday, May 4, 2012


Of course, after being drawn into Youtube by the amazing Elyar Fox, I needed to continue hunting along for more hidden wonders. And since I hate returning empty handed, we can pretty much assume that I have more obsessive stuff to share ;D

Meet Jason Chen, a singer with some brilliant covers as well as many wholly original songs that will leave you scrambling for more. And to think that I always kept mooning over how I want to be famous when there's people as talented as Jason that haven't been discovered.. Listen to his Chinese songs too! They're good even if you can't understand them ;) Or..learn Chinese!

Bye bye for now~

Thursday, May 3, 2012


Wahhh!! Though I don't especially like Justin Bieber's (relatively) new song Boyfriend, it has led me to some finds that I do like. Justin is having a best cover contest on Youtube, and many of the covers are definitely worth listening to. Here's the link so that you can judge for yourself, after all, I do have some rather weird tastes..

Now then, here are my own personal favorite two. The first is by a London boy with a delicious accent and an angelic voice. Oh, and did I mention that he looks just as delectable? Well, see for yourself, I promise I'm not lying ;) Goodness, even his name sets off a tingle. Elyar Fox. Delightful. Haha, I was so stricken by his appearance, voice, and apparent sense of humor that I even went to his FB page and sent him a message. Never done that before.. But then again, I haven't found anyone so close to my own age and yet so drool-worthy before either.

As for the second cover that just stood out, it's a bit shocking. After all, it's a nine year old boy rapping and singing so sweetly and perfectly that I feel as though my world's tipping. I was never that talented at nine. Nope, not even in piano, or dance, or anything that I spent hours practicing everyday. And by now I'm sure that you're impatient to see this boy wonder that I kept chattering about, so here you go, an opportunity to find a treasure. Oh, and did I mention that he lives in the same state as me? I think we're just an hour apart ;/ Haha, so famous, and only in fourth grade? Well MattyB, keep on rapping!! P.S.-he made a cover of One Direction's "What Makes You Beautiful" as well, and it's just as adorably great. (Sorry, couldn't resist, One Direction is one of my favorite bands!!)

If I were in charge of anything, then I would say that Elyar Fox should be signed on in a heartbeat. With his looks and vocals, I'm sure he would become an instant sensation. And not to mention his amazing accent either. I kept replaying his videos earlier in the day until I finally realized that AP exams are next week, and I'll have more time to obsess over his videos once I'm done testing and stressing and not sleeping. So I'm completely serious about how much I love those two boys right now (come on, I even linked them to this page, and everyone knows that I would never do that unless I just adored them so much that I overcame all of my procrastination and laziness to actually do it), and you should check out the videos, even if you aren't a Justin Bieber fan. Enjoy!

But before I go, I decided that to capture even more of your interest, I'm going to add a picture of Elyar Fox ;D

Oh why not, I'll just add one of MattyB as well then~
I wish more guys had eyes like that..

And now, that's really all. I do have to go study don't I? -.-"

Tuesday, May 1, 2012


English is such a strange language. So ambiguous, so conflicting. Mayday, for example, is a holiday that is celebrated on the first of May as well as a word used to signal disaster.

Well, today I'm not celebrating the holiday, though I do love parting of all sorts, I'm hollering my distress for the wide Internet community to perceive. And what exactly has caused me to skip almost a month of posting and sees me sitting nervously at all of hours of the night flipping through textbooks? Why, AP testing of course!

I imagine that this year I've finally gone crazy. In the next two weeks I will be rampaging through four AP tests. One of which I am not taking in school. That's right, I'm taking AP Biology as an online class. Which means more work. After all, I'm not going to let my GPA suffer for my foolish AP cramming. Oh, and guess what. My school operates on a block schedule so that I took AP Language last semester. Yeah. That means I've gone quite a few months without really writing anything. I mean oh sure, I've written a few essays for AP World History, but it's not really the same now is it? AP World essays entail crammed content, but little styling or anything else required for a successful lit. paper, namely analyzing.

There's so so much more to say, such as the violin recital that I missed because of You and Me meetings, and my ballet recital in two weekends that I may not be able to make because last week I managed to sprain my ankle. And then of course there are all those final exams that I still have to take, with Biology worrying me especially as I now have a 93 in the class. All this and so much more. What am I going to do? Well, perhaps, go do some Calc now so that sleep isn't just an illusion..

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Oh The Breath of Spring~

"You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul." - Julie de Lespinasse

Friday, March 30, 2012

At Last

It's spring break!!! Ahh, this blessed release is so warmly embraced by all that the atmosphere is akin to that which usually surrounds the commencement of summer vacation~

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

No More Joking

Goodness. I can't believe it, but I haven't slept before 2 in the morning for over a week now. I would guess that it started last last Thursday night. Actually, more often than not I've slept barely before three during this time period. And the two Saturdays included thus far, I've slept at a shocking 5:30. Sometimes I wonder how I'm still on my feet, walking through school, not nodding off in class, laughing around with friends, and most astoundingly, making it through ballet class (with a broken air conditioner might I add, so at around 80 F) without breaking down at some point.

And I know that most people out there who bother to read this will be snorting at how much I must procrastinate, but really, I haven't even procrastinated that much in the past few weeks. I've seriously been busy. Spring break may be next week, but with the amount of work I have, I'm not sure if I'll be able to do any relaxing. Well, some has to happen. What I meant though, was if I would be able to go on any outings other than my promised trip to see the Hunger Games (yes, it's a shame that I haven't been to see it yet, but like I said, I'm almost literally drowning in work). After all, AP exams are close (to Asian mothers at least) and of my four AP exams, I'm not expecting to be prepared for any if I don't whip through those waiting piles of study guides cluttering my bedroom floor. I'm taking AP Bio online, and I feel as though I've learned nothing because reading the textbook for it is just at the bottom of my school-related priorities and so long as my grade stays up, my mom doesn't pay too much attention to it. I haven't had AP Lang since last semester since my school operates on block schedule, so no I'm feeling as though writing even one essay will be beyond me, much less analyzing rhetorical strategies and persuasive techniques while fighting a time limit for three different essays. Though I'm taking AP World right now, our teachers just too much of a nice guy, so I don't have high hopes of finishing the material before exam date. That, of course, means much more extra studying for me. And finally the thought of the AP Calc exam just terrifies me. For one thing, it's on my birthday this year. Great. And then what really makes me nervous about these next few weeks is the fact that I'm taking Calc AB in school but I'm taking the BC exam because few universities particularly care about the AB exam. So there we have more studying lined up (insert forced exclamations of joy).

Friday, March 23, 2012

My Prince

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Like a Dream

I feel like recounting the robotics competition this past week in South Carolina, but as I have no idea where to start, what to detail, and how to organize my memories, I suppose I'll just have to leave it at a single word:


Thursday, March 15, 2012

No Way

So robotics is another one of those predominately boy clubs. And I've mentioned earlier that we're going to South Carolina this weekend for a competition there right? Well, of the girls, only me and a freshie friend can definitely go, and then her friend may be able to go. No problem so far right? Hah, that never lasts for long.

Today , I found out that my friend's mom might not let her go because all the adult chaperons are guys too and so we would have to have our own hotel room. We're staying at a Howard-Johnson, which apparently isn't too sketch but not exactly high class either, and now both our parents are worried about our safety. Of course that's not even near the depth of my problems.

So today my friend was sick enough that she was allowed to skip school. That means she had a really high fever. And since our trip is only two days off, what if she can't go? Then I would be the only girl going, which while totally fine with me, is definitely not okay at all with my mom. I was talking to her about it earlier in the afternoon, and the only compromise we could reach was that she would then accompany me there. But I really really don't need my mom tagging along. That would be humiliating enough by itself (sorry mom), but it would be especially so when I just so desperately want some time to talk to him.

Another Near Miss

Aren't those just the worst? It's bad enough when things don't go according to plan, but when you're off by just one or two? Awful.

So way back in February I took the Biology Olympiad Open Exam in the hopes of making the Semifinalist list this year. Well actually, to be entirely truthful, I was just trying it out this year and had absolutely no intention of anything. But then today I noted from my FB friends that the scores had come out so off I went to check mine. So this year's cutoff score is 24 out of 50 right? Well, I had a solid 22. And while that's not too too close considering there were only 50 questions, it still makes me feel terrible. And I haven't even told my parents yet. After all, they're always the ones to harbor the most hopes, even if I express my misgivings. I really want to tell my mom right now so she can laugh at how close I unintentionally was and then soothe my ruffled pride a bit. Terrible that it's so late right now and that, no matter when I do tell her, she probably won't calm me at all. On the contrary, I would almost bet that she would just shrug it off in some way that explodes my injured pride, act nonchalant about it for a day, and then spend the next three months randomly questioning me about the exam.

Sad that there's such a pattern to all the competition's in my life. Is this all a sign?

Tuesday, March 13, 2012


My my, mother dearest is going to have a heart attack when she checks my most recent grades on Pinnacle. Let's hope she's too busy until more are added to check. Not to say that my grades are bad or anything. Overall, they're still all A's and at a comfortable level. However, if one looks only at the most recent grades of each class, namely those added in the time span between last week and this week, there would be enough cause for me to fall over if I hadn't been the recipient of them. Now, to show what I mean, here are my latest grades in the subjects, calc: 84%, hist: 90%, chem: 60%, french: 77%. Perhaps I've been just a tad bit overexcited about robotics these past few days. Ohh help me. Guess I really should be doing my calc homework right now. Or maybe my chem lab analysis. Or even my French booklet. And how about the biology that I'm a week late on? Goodness..

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Quelle Chance?

Boy am I happy that I didn't listen to reason and decide that we could not possibly go to South Carolina for a robotics competition. After all, usually I hate to bring false hope or to have others point out loopholes in my overexcited ideas. This time though, the benefits just simply outweighed any associated risks. And while I still feel like all credit should go to my Wheeler friend, my teammates are all heaping praise on me like I just discovered a new law of science. I can't deny that I'm not enjoying it, but I also feel guilty since they, once again, think I'm responsible for something that I didn't really start. Ah well, the most important thing here is that I'm able to stay overnight in SC with him and maybe even ride in the same car on the way there. And, of course, that our team is receiving another chance at showing the world our skill and rising to the next level of the competition. Which also means that I'll see everyone on the team for at least another month. Yess

Monday, March 5, 2012


Just yesterday night my Wheeler Magnet friend who is on their FRC robotics team informed that their FTC robotics team, which hadn't made it past the Georgia state tournament either this year, had signed up to compete in South Carolina. Of course when I heard this little tidbit I just a bout flipped out. Needless to say, I scrambled up all my contacts and sources, researched the daylight out of this news, and dispatched a few texts to my teammates and emails to those in charge of the competition. It turns out that we are NOT too late to sign up for the competition, we have enough money to attend, some sponsors to take us there, and the determination needed to go. So what's keeping us back? Well, our ever so wise team captain told me that he didn't want to attend if we weren't sure of measuring up to the competition there. After all, we don't want to embark on a four hour drive, spend copious amounts of money, and then utterly fail at the competition. This brought my spirits down a bit as I had previously been so elated by the new opportunities in front of me that I had failed to consider the logistics of it all. But we're all taking some time tonight to think through whether we can rush some changes to our robot within two weeks and crush the upcoming competition. Let's hope we all get a solid yes.

Saturday, March 3, 2012


Hey. No biggie. It's totally alright for me to be juust a bit sad right now. Right? I mean, my team is completely crestfallen about performing so poorly, my beloved captain has had to bear the bulk of the blame, and of course my parents are furious that I managed to break my contacts. They call it vanity that I had to take it out during the competition. I call it cloudy contacts. But you know what? The smell of his scent on my hand more than makes up for that. I'm so strange. I always knew it, but never that it was this much.

Maybe I massaged his shoulder so much that I kneaded part of his essence into my hand? Not in a weird way or anything.

State Robotics Comp!!

Not really that exciting. Or maybe it's just since we were plagued with software problems, racquet ball annoyances, and of course my dropping and smashing a hard contact. Needless to say, we lost today. Was it due to our general overconfidence after easily winning an almost perfect regional? I can't denial that it was, but at the same time I can't condemn us for our arrogance. After all, it was really a matter of pride. That and the fact that we seriously though we could just breeze through the state rounds. Guess fate didn't want to comply.

It almost seems as though all of the recent past events have acted as a sort of premonition to today. The riot at school on Thursday. The following food fights (yes, plural), fire drills (again, note the plural), and general pushiness of the students on Friday. Oh, and of course we can't forget the tornado drill and subsequent blackout yesterday night. Being smushed into such a small room with that many people was not okay. Especially since the one person I wanted to gaze at was at the far side of the room.

Don't get the impression that I'm ranting or complaining about the competition today though. I'm not exactly angry. Or at least, not about losing. Or even really about my broken contacts. No. I'm just severely annoyed that all those members of our team were venting about our captain's decision to attach three claws to the robot instead of two. But really. Who was it again that built 70% of the robot? And who was it that came up with the entire plan and thought through all the details? And really,who was it that started the actual club? That's right. The captain did. And these bumbling buffoons didn't even have the decency to at least think those ugly thoughts outside of his hearing. Oh no, they say it while he's not even three feet away. During the second half of the day I could almost feel him slipping away and growing more and more anxious. I believed in his technology, though not some of his logic, and the three claws really were not the problem. But their complaints obviously disgruntled him though he tried not to show it, and so throughout the last matches when we had worked out the problem, we was too focused on proving the robot that he never even noticed me yelling instructions at him. The team should just feel awful for criticizing his additions to the robot when they haven't done ANYTHING compared to him. End rant.

Aside from that though, I did enjoy today immensely. The ninja games are one thing that I'll miss about the Seniors leaving, and the flirting as well of course. Those battles of wits really give me something to look forward to throughout the week even. I mean come on. Every night at one, when I finally have some free time, I push myself into crunches, planks, and other whoknowswhats with the thought of HIM on my mind. Haha, what makes me so happy right now is that since I hugged him so many times, though not how anyone imagines hugs, that my hand and jacket smells just like him. Weird much? Just a bit. But I love it nonetheless. All those neck hugs will stay on my mind for the longest of times and the fact that he initiated some of them, though backwards, and despite him being the hugest flirt I know, will be fluttering through my thoughts for no one knows how long. Ahhh, breathe deeply. Everything will be alright.

Maybe he's graduating this May. Maybe since we didn't win the competition we won't have meetings anymore. Maybe our two year grade difference means we have no classes together. Maybe he does have a girlfriend. Who knows. I certainly have no idea what the future has in store for me. After all, look at the past few days at school. Did I ever think I would be living through a high school life of rioting and turmoil? Certainly not when I signed up for the IB program. And did my opinion change? Ohh, but yes. After two days I have decided that nothing is too farfetched.

Hey. It's spring. Magic is in the air. Take a breath.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Woot woot!!!

We got first place in our regional robotics competition!!!!!
Wish us luck for state on March 3rd! We're definitely going to nationals this year ;)

Today's been such the most amazing day. I loove robotics so much. And especially this one person known as our captain~ alfuhau soooo excited today!

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Almost There..

Hmmph. And for a while it seemed like I had this whole blogging thing down. Guess old habits aren't dying anytime soon for me. In the two+ years that I've sporadically blogged, my blogging record has been rather, well, sporadic. That is, I have periods where it seems like I've managed to establish a new habit where I blog at least once a week, but then suddenly life overwhelms me and I get dragged to the farthest reaches of the Internet. What do you know, put this way, it even sounds more dramatic and much more like I actually have an excuse for scarcely posting in December and for the fact that my first post in the year 2012 is on the 15th of January. Normally, unforgivable. But with all of this being dragged forcibly away from my blog by the Internet? I'm even starting to forgive myself. Jk. That's all just a bunch of nonsense that came out of watching wayy too many dramas over winter break. Except, I didn't even watch that many. Well, really what I mean is that I've gone over my self-imposed limit of one drama per break. Seeing as I finished Goong and Coffee Prince (sadly, I neglected the last three episode for almost a full year) as well as the entire series of My Girlfriend is a Gumiho and watched the movie 200 Pounds Beauty before starting Brilliant Legacy, it may be just a bit of an understatement to say that I have no self control. But they were good dramas, and while I feel rather exasperated with myself for so easily succumbing to the temptation of dramas, they made for a worthwhile winter break that made me laugh. My New Year's resolution: stop it with the cookie fountain, have a more cheery attitude towards everyone, and finish Brilliant Legacy before starting anything else. Cheers everyone!