Thursday, November 22, 2012


Ahhh, it's finally Turkey Break but I feel as though all of my angst has decided to just make a reappearance. Without warning. Of course.

 I mean, I had completely planned out already that I was going to spend this week being a good student. Working on all the essays that have been piled up (well...), the projects that need start (okay, maybe not good), and of course, some frantic studying to prepare for the SAT's, some sort of biology test I'm taking (whaat), and the periodic interschool academic competitions that I'm supposed to be good at. Life's become almost like a comedic story.

Its unexpected plot twists are so crazy that they match up perfectly with those of popular fiction novels. Ohh. Wow.

I'm so tired.  But aren't I just fighting myself? I'm only stressed out, short on time, dying of work, etc. because I slacked off, found some delightful obsession, tore apart my carefully organized study schedule to ..well..obsess over things.  And I feel like it's all dejavu.  Cause really, didn't this happen last year as well? Even around the same time? Even when I know what to prevent...and failing that, what to stupidity seems to overcome all my reason, throwing my emotions into a large mixing pot, and enable me to make the same mistakes on the same godforsaken metaphorical road, ending every journey as a mess of nerves and self-loathing.

Not quite true this year.  But then again, I'm hoping that spelling this out so plainly for myself, laying bare and untangling my thoughts, can give me enough motivation to turn around, climb out of the hole, and work hard enough to make up for what's been lost.  My mind though, reminds myself that my heart is uninterested in longterm goals.  As I face my own inability to comply with what I know is right, my desire to stray  grows exponentially.

Actually, I'm not too sure if this post is supposed to be an odd sort of motivational or just a delusional rant by my dying soul.  Really should be the former.  Or, well, I might have more problems to worry about.

To end on a better note, here's what I've been up to recently! It was for a virtual competition, but I hope everyone will enjoy it!!! The instrument is a Chinese zither and, translated, the piece is "High Mountains, Flowing Water".  (It has HD quality options that make me look like less of a withered hag) ;D Oh, and it's kind of long, but if you have one a minute or two, listen to my favorite part at 4 min! I would love any comments, feedback, questions, all of it!!

P.S.- Though this is already such a lengthy post, I really must put this out.  Stay til the end for my smile!! Haha, yeah..nothing important.  

Good night and happy turkey eating ;)

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