Friday, September 30, 2011

The Canterbury Tales

I'm sure that no one noticed, but the title of my previous post was actually supposed to be an allusion to the prologue of The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucher, which was alluding to some nice Greek mythology. So I guess I was really alluding to Greek mythology too.. But anyways, the first eighteen lines of the Prologue goes a little something like this:

WHAN that Aprille with his shoures soote,
The droghte of Marche hath perced to the roote,
And bathed every veyne in swich licour,
Of which vertu engendred is the flour;
Whan Zephirus eek with his swete breeth
Inspired hath in every holt and heeth
The tendre croppes, and the yonge sonne
Hath in the Ram his halfe cours yronne,
And smale fowles maken melodye,
That slepen al the night with open ye,
(So priketh hem nature in hir corages:
Than longen folk to goon on pilgrimages,
And palmers for to seken straunge strondes,
To ferne halwes, couthe in sondry londes;
And specially, from every shires ende
Of Engelond, to Caunterbury they wende,
The holy blisful martir for to seke,
That hem hath holpen, whan that they were seke.

And basically Zephirus is an inspirational force to many, and so I thoughted it would make an appropriate title for my previous post. If no one gets it though and everybody thinks I'm crazy because it seems so random, then I'll have no fun right? But congrats to those of you who did understand the reference ;)

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The Sweet Breath of Zephirus

So since I just posted a huge (?) on how awful I feel, I've decided that I need a post to counterbalance it and prove that I'm not completely insane/crazy/mentally unstable. And here it is..

You want to kill yourself? Because no one cares about you. Your family hates you. Right? No. Your parents walking in your room in the morning to only find a dead body. They’ll try their hardest to not think negative, and to just think that you’re fooling around. Then they’ll start shaking you. Why aren’t you breathing? They’ll be broken. Tears. Many tears. More tears than you ever shed. Was it the...m? Were they the reason you did this? More tears. Pain. Every day. Every night. Every single second of every day. Guilt. More guilt. What about your bestfriends? They’re not going to care. Right? No. What’s the first thing that will go through their mind when your principal comes in and tells the class that you’re not alive. While your bestfriend sits there in tears. That girl that you’d smile at but never talk to? She’s now crying. The boy who used to kick you under the table just to annoy you? He’ll be shocked. He’ll be devastated. He’ll ♥ blame himself. What about your teacher? Thoughts crossing her mind. She’ll question if you did it because she didn’t make school comfortable enough for you. Pain. Devastation. All in one. Who organizes your funeral? Who has to go through your stuff? Clothes? Notes? Those few older girls who used to give you daggers at school? They’ll feel regret. They’ll blame themselves. See, if you killed yourself today, you’ll never know what might of happened tomorrow. You’ll never know because you’re dead. Plain dead. Not breathing. Not alive. Just dead. Your family hates themselves for it. Your bestfriend then falls into depression. Tears. Tears. More tears than a river. All because you killed yourself because you thought noone would care. Right? You are loved. By many. Someone right now is thinking of you. And right now, I’m thinking about anyone who has thought or is considering suicide. You are beautiful. No matter if you’re black, white, homo-sexual, tall, short, overweight or anorexic. You are beautiful. You want to kill yourself? Think about it first. There’s no coming back. And I promise, if you do it, you are not only hurting yourself, you are hurting many. You are creating more tears than you led yourself to. You are making everyone miserable and making them all feel guilt and pain. Never will they feel whole like they used to when they had you. You are beautiful. And you are never ever alone.

Voila. It's actually a post my my friend that I just read and so I was inspired to spread the word and maybe help someone else get through a bad day. I've changed her original post in a lot of places so it's not stealing. Besides, even if it is stealing, the artists of the Renaissance rarely wrote their own original plays. Shakespeare just improved other, not-so-amazingly, plays by unknown writers. And by the way, I was not thinking of suicide, it's just that reading this made me feel like I'd be fine after all. Not that I ever didn't feel that way.. But, that's not the point here. The point is to feel uplifted by my inspirational post and then repost it so that others can see it as well.

Why Is It Always So?

I think I may have just had a sliiight mental break down. I mean, I'm really low on sleep and am so stressed out about school and clubs and everything else right now so I knew that this was going to happen sooner or later. I did try keeping all of my feelings of hopelessness about the world to myself though, since I'm the one always insisting I can manage all of my work. But that's just because I want my mom to be proud of me. Not that she ever really seems like it.. Yeah. But today when my mom started banging on my mental condition about how my math basically sucks, my mental force field that normally holds all the pieces of my despair together kinda slipped for a moment. And then with the gushing torrent of awfulness that crack just opened wider and wider and wider until everything came out. Honestly, I didn't even know I was feeling all of that. I wish there was someone in my life that I could confide in, but I really feel obligated towards myself to preserve a calm-ish, strong-ish, able-to-handle-everything-ish image. So I guess this blog is the only place in the world where I've shared all of my emotions, I mean, who looks at my blog that even cares about me at all? Or even knows me for that matter.. Kinda ironic, huh. The place where the most unlimited stream of audience members could file pass and read about my life is in actuality my only safe place. This is probably the one place in my life where I can really be myself and let all of my real thoughts and opinions out. I don't have to impress anyone here..right? Right. Cause this is my place.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Vitamins=Good For You

So I actually saw this a few days ago but then I just recently decided that it was so ridiculously funny to me that I needed to share it with a wider audience. Who knows, I may even be able to introduce some new people to the sparkling world of Kpop, Kdramas, and outrageously hot guys ;)

Learn the vitamin song with SNSD!!

The girls looking cute in white dresses!

This one's fannncy isn't it?

Friday, September 23, 2011

Fundraising Ideas

Is selling spring rolls really such a great idea? I'm trying to fundraise for Science Bowl and spring rolls just struck me as a great item that was unique and could compete in the school market. However, now I'm concerned as to whether the mostly African and Hispanic population of my school will find a spring roll worth a dollar of theirs. This is especially bad because next week the tickets for the homecoming game and dance will be selling, so I'll have to compete for the students' money. I hope this investment will turn out well as it takes a long time to make spring rolls from scratch. In fact, my mother and I will be getting up much earlier than usual next week to make them. My fingers are crossed.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Neeeed Sleeeep

=.= <-- that is me everyday now.

*.* <-- me when I have an opportunity to sleep

T.T <-- when I realize it's one in the morning again

x.x <-- me if this is going to keep happening

But yeah. Taking an online class is so much harder than I expected. And it doesn't really help that I'm being swamped with projects during school. I now have a research paper and two projects dues within the month. Meanwhile I need to study for tests, figure out how the physics concepts actually work, and do my homework. Plus, today I think I just failed my lit. AP writing and my math test. Yep. Failed. And this isn't even including all of my stuff outside of school. Hellpppp!!!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Silver Lights

We will always remember.

Our generation may not remember the actual day, but we do know the consequences of that day and we will be forever thankful to the men and women who have since then risked their lives to protect our country.

To the brave men and women whose innocent lives were lost on the 11th of that faithful month-R.I.P.

Sunday, September 4, 2011


I can't believe it's closing in 10 days. I mean, Borders has played a huge and really important role in my childhood. I used to just sit there and read throughout elementary summers. Then my friends and I would meet there during middle school. And last year my friend's and I spent large quantities of time in the cafe eating cakes. Borders has seriously been there my entire life. Why is it going bankrupt now? God. I'm almost mad at them for going bankrupt now. Couldn't they have just had some better insight and foreseen the electric trend of the market and made an ebook reader sooner? Look at Barnes and Nobles, they created the Nook and Nook Color and now they're doing fine economically. But I'm mad at Barnes and Nobles, too. And everyone who doesn't regularly buy books anymore. And myself. For always mooching off Borders and just sitting there reading without buying anything. I'm such an awful person. So I guess I'm just mad at everything now. And you know what the sad part is? i don't even have time to really be mad, I'm too busy doing school work, and clubwork, and practicing violin, and dancing, and hurrying towards my death..*keeps on listing*...