Saturday, May 22, 2010

Is It True?

My mind seems unable to accept the fact that I will most likely never see most of my friends again, especially Sammy. It seems that only once it's 6:50 on Monday morning and I'm still sleeping in bed will I actually accept this fact. My life feels so empty right now, I can't stop thinking about that hug. Though only a few seconds at most, it occupies too much of my thoughts. I miss everyone oh so dearly already but the image of him in his brilliant turquoise shirt continues to drive all else out of my mind. I just feel so...lost now. I can't think of what the future can hold right now, all I can do is cling to my memories, but then the image always melts away into that embrace... I can't think, I can't do anything. All I can do is despair. Somehow, I will meet him again, I don't care if he doesn't like me in that special way, I'm gonna at least accomplish the status of "friends". But that keeps going back to that...both hot and cold at once, I wanna feel that again, I wanna feel the smooth curve of his chin, the soft brush of his cheek, the gentle fabric of his shirt, the soothing warmth from his body, which felt indescribable in terms of words. The feel of his arms, that wonderful sheepish grin on his silly face. Ugh. That gleaming crown of golden hair. I'm absolutely starstruck. I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I had done something different, been more bold, or tried harder at school, I would have been rewarded. But alas, of course maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I won't give up just yet, but even lost in memories, I just can't help but wonder...

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