YAYYYY!!!!!! I finally finally feel like I can enjoy by summer now ^-^. The thoughtts of school are still there but they no longer haunt me. I've been partying (Nathaniel's party yesterday and then Katherine's party on the 12 of June ;D) and burying those thoughts. Now is the time for the commencement of rest of my life!
Which also means I'm starting to think more seriously about my future and get going through the stacks of work that I should have learned, but will now have to waste summer learning cause I didn't. But hey, work is good. Work means I can't think about other stuff...such as Sammy...and school...Ugh. And of course that just set my mind back on that. I'll go read some more manga to try keeping my mind off those little subjects there and maybe start planning Azn Fest V (or is it X?).
(For your health, only the fist and foremost paragraph is intended to be read. For those not strangers to rants, then know that the second paragraph is only to be read AT THE READER'S OWN RISK. Thank you very much for your business, come again.) ~The above warning is meant to be written in a slightly formal fashion as I have taken over my dear Yuanhan's advice in which he states that formal writing has often helped him fill, though often also ineffectively, the hole in his heart. As this is the method he has been relying on in recent times, I have chosen to do so also both for his above stated reason and as a show a support to him though also as a request that this unique technique will work. Au revior~
Cheers ;)
as if I can say that happily now...
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Seven Days
Title: Seven DaysAuthor: Tachibana Benio
Summary: Bright and early one Monday morning, Shino Yuzuru asks Seryou Touji out on a lark when they run into each other at the school gate. Seryou, who's immensely popular, has the odd habit of going out with anyone who asks him out first at the beginning of the week, then promptly dumping them at the end of it. "Anyone" apparently includes male upperclassmen like Shino, and as a boyfriend, Seryou is perfect--unfailingly thoughtful and kind. Shino, obviously, has no intention of being in a serious relationship with Seryou. It's not like it's actually love or anything like that. ...Right?
Favorite Character: Unfortunately I seriously COULD NOT decide which boy I liked better in this manga. So, I'll do a little description of both the boys.
First we'll see Shino Yuzuru-
Shino has the good looks and personality to match with, or so most girls in his school thinks. Heck, he is one of the stars in the school’s archery team. However, once the girls began dating Shino, they break off soon enough. After they actually witness Shino’s true self they realize that he’s sloppy and unrefined…in short he’s not the prince that those girls dream of. Girls can be superficial, eh?
Seryou Touji-Seryou on the other hand, is a different story all together. You see, it is well-known around the school that he is willing to date anyone for a week as long as she (or he) confesses to him on a Monday. Once the seven days are up, he will decide whether to continue dating that person or not depending on whether he feels something towards the other person.
Now, this isn't the type of manga that I usually read, but I found the cover and title very interesting, and once I started reading, well, I just could not stop. I can almost guarantee that anyone who tries this manga will not be disappointed. I had read this manga expecting it to be decent at best, but this was way beyond decent...it was AMAZING!! It has been out for quite a while now, but I really don't understand why it's not famous. However, I strongly encourage those of you out there to help make it more famous, spread the news through all your friends. This book is really just one of the best, there's no other way to put it. Read it and maybe you'll see it my way. =)
Soo....
What exactly is there to say? A few days ago I found my second grade prince on Facebook, I was sososo happy. Then I sent him a message and told him hi and stuff and that he looked cute. I was seriously in the seventh heaven of paradise when he replied and we had a nice little chat/conversation going. But then we got on the subject of his old friends and stuff and well, I'm sorry to say, but this is the truth, I really just wanted to keep him to myself and keep him from contacting any of his old buddies, I was afraid that he'd then stop contact with me. However, though I answered his questions in the most roundabout ways possible without lying, eventually he friended three of the oldies that I'm also friends with and now he hasn't responded to my latest message and I'm feeling so jealous and no doubt he's also sent friend requests and stuff to the other peoples and UGH>>>. I oh so wanna talk to him but really? He stopped replying, so I don't want to annoy him or anything but I can't stand this anymore. WHAT DO I DO?!?!?! UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH...NOOOOOOO WHYYYYYYYYY NOOOOOOOO UUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay fail, that's a lot of spam type stuff up there, but I just had to have one post at least where I could let out my feelings like that. But seriously, why why why, do I always have the failest of failing bad fail luck? Ugh. I'd just managed to friend him and talk to him for a coupla short little days and now nnnnnooooooooo. Okay, no more spam from me anymore. But I ish sooo jealous and just when I thought life was going back to a flowery sunny little summer filled with breezy goodness and pools, this giant typhoon blows in and ruptures my pool and the rain drowns and kills my flowers while all the fresh sunshine that is just beginning appear is quickly cut off by the dark looming clouds and I can't take it anymore, these metaphors aren't going anywhere anyways, but how else am I to express anything without letting out bloodcurdling screeches of extreme jealous and burying my very being inside a dark dark smothering volcano of envy, hatred, whatever. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, it just feels like my fingers are frantically typing now but for lack of actual words to say. So before I get any further in another series of terrible metaphors of despair or whatevernot, I'll just sign off for now and come back when I feel more like talking about whatever the subject was originally about. But for now I'll just leave saying this: IloveyouKansasandIwassohappywhenIfoundyouagainandyouwereohsocuteandyouwerenicetooandIwasjustohsohappythatwecouldactuallytalkandstuffbutnowI'mliterallydieingfromjealousyandcauseIdon'twanttoshareyouwithanyonebutwhatamIsupposedtodo?Youwon'tevenmessagemeanymoreandI'mlonelyandgettingdepressedandIneedtostoptypingnowcausethisisgettingwaytolongbutIreallydon'twanttostopcauseIhaven'tfinishedrantingonaboutyouyetbutsinceIhavetoI'lljustfinishwithsayingthatonceagainILOVEYOUisaboutthemostcoherentthingIcansumupofmyfeelingsrightnow. <3
Okay fail, that's a lot of spam type stuff up there, but I just had to have one post at least where I could let out my feelings like that. But seriously, why why why, do I always have the failest of failing bad fail luck? Ugh. I'd just managed to friend him and talk to him for a coupla short little days and now nnnnnooooooooo. Okay, no more spam from me anymore. But I ish sooo jealous and just when I thought life was going back to a flowery sunny little summer filled with breezy goodness and pools, this giant typhoon blows in and ruptures my pool and the rain drowns and kills my flowers while all the fresh sunshine that is just beginning appear is quickly cut off by the dark looming clouds and I can't take it anymore, these metaphors aren't going anywhere anyways, but how else am I to express anything without letting out bloodcurdling screeches of extreme jealous and burying my very being inside a dark dark smothering volcano of envy, hatred, whatever. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, it just feels like my fingers are frantically typing now but for lack of actual words to say. So before I get any further in another series of terrible metaphors of despair or whatevernot, I'll just sign off for now and come back when I feel more like talking about whatever the subject was originally about. But for now I'll just leave saying this: IloveyouKansasandIwassohappywhenIfoundyouagainandyouwereohsocuteandyouwerenicetooandIwasjustohsohappythatwecouldactuallytalkandstuffbutnowI'mliterallydieingfromjealousyandcauseIdon'twanttoshareyouwithanyonebutwhatamIsupposedtodo?Youwon'tevenmessagemeanymoreandI'mlonelyandgettingdepressedandIneedtostoptypingnowcausethisisgettingwaytolongbutIreallydon'twanttostopcauseIhaven'tfinishedrantingonaboutyouyetbutsinceIhavetoI'lljustfinishwithsayingthatonceagainILOVEYOUisaboutthemostcoherentthingIcansumupofmyfeelingsrightnow. <3
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Is It True?
My mind seems unable to accept the fact that I will most likely never see most of my friends again, especially Sammy. It seems that only once it's 6:50 on Monday morning and I'm still sleeping in bed will I actually accept this fact. My life feels so empty right now, I can't stop thinking about that hug. Though only a few seconds at most, it occupies too much of my thoughts. I miss everyone oh so dearly already but the image of him in his brilliant turquoise shirt continues to drive all else out of my mind. I just feel so...lost now. I can't think of what the future can hold right now, all I can do is cling to my memories, but then the image always melts away into that embrace... I can't think, I can't do anything. All I can do is despair. Somehow, I will meet him again, I don't care if he doesn't like me in that special way, I'm gonna at least accomplish the status of "friends". But that memory...it keeps going back to that...both hot and cold at once, I wanna feel that again, I wanna feel the smooth curve of his chin, the soft brush of his cheek, the gentle fabric of his shirt, the soothing warmth from his body, which felt indescribable in terms of words. The feel of his arms, that wonderful sheepish grin on his silly face. Ugh. That gleaming crown of golden hair. I'm absolutely starstruck. I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I had done something different, been more bold, or tried harder at school, I would have been rewarded. But alas, of course maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I won't give up just yet, but even lost in memories, I just can't help but wonder...
Friday, May 21, 2010
Washed Away
Got back from Kelley's party and went to take a shower. I feel slightly better now that the soothing warm water has washed away the last (hopefully) of my tears. Imma go watch my end of year slide show now. Maybe that and a nice sad story with loud music will be able to drown out my sorrow...Wish me luck.
Free At Last, Free At Last, Thank God Almighty, We Are Free At Last!
Yeah, today was the last day of school. Officially, our reign as the top of the chain of middle schoolers has come to an end. Now we have to start over again from the bottom of the high schoolers. Today was a pretty nice, normal day. Me, Jessie, Yvette,, and Sophie were all really hyped up from our sleepover last night (WHOLE other story, it was really fun though), and started the day off eating raman and having lots of fun. I bagged two cookies and brought them with me to school. I also brought a Mickey Mouse shaped cookie that we had made last night for our math teacher, who LOVES sugar and all things Mickey Mouse. So I walked in the door with Sophie and when the teacher saw the cookies, she was like, "chocolate chip cookies! are those for me?" (and remember, this is a person who teaches a very monotone and robotical class, so I was really shocked). So then I gave it to her and told her it was a chocolate chip Mickey Mouse shaped cookie and she just SPAZZED. That was the beginning of the day.
The rest of the day flew by pretty quickly. With only the moments where I gave Alex his cookies (X3) and then later his photos (later I also gave Yvette, David, and Brian theirs) standing out in my mind. But disaster struck when we went to watch the customary slideshow. I realized, "THAT I HAD NOT SIGNED IN SAMMY'S YEARBOOK THIS YEAR. NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! *about to shoot myself* UGH". Me and Kelley laughed through the slideshow, but when we got up for dismissal, we found out the Yvette was the first to start blubbering, causing the others around her to also break out into tears. I didn't...
Anyways, I fought my way through the crowd and presented a new box of "Five" gum to Matt R. He was all like "o.o really?? for me?". And so I nodded my head and asked him for a hug in return. He paused in leaping over a chair, hugged me, and we said our goodbyes. Next I went to deliver Yvette and Brian's photos, where I found that Yvette was completely red-faced with tears streaming down. Then I noticed a small circle of girls scattered and crying, tears dripping onto the floor. But I didn't have time to worry over that yet, I had just spotted Sammy's brilliant blond head bobbing up and down in the sea of peers. Muttering hurried goodbyes, and distributing hugs, I quickly made my way up to him. He was talking to another guy so I waited, and thought, and then I went up to him after the guy walked away and asked him for a hug. A sheepish expression crept onto his face and the smile that I like so much came with it, the same smiled he had worn the night of the dance, when I confessed. So he said, "sure", opened his arms and I walked in. My head came up just to his chin in that warm embrace, I tilted my head slightly, so I felt the warmth of his wonderful chin resting on my forehead. He hugged me for a pretty long time, at least longer than some other people that I'm actually good friends with, but that might have just been my imagination, in which case, I now know how it feels to have time stop because of love. I hugged him tightly, burying my face against the folds of his brilliant turquoise shirt, wishing the moment would never end. Every detail, every sound, I noticed. But all good things have an end, so of course this did, too. His arms at last loosened, and though I really really wanted to just hug him all the tighter, I knew that it was time to let go, and with it, my past. But I can still remember, how in that moment, as he hugged my, his cheek brushed against mine, ahhh, the wonders that the very thought brings. And that little notion that movie makers have that surroundings just blur into nothingness when with the one you like? Well, it's true, completely true. In that moment, I seriously did not care who saw me. I seriously could not tell what was happening around us, who was who, or even 2x2.
But then the magic disappeared, the back of turquoise shirt disappearing into the crowd again as I walked away. Alot of hugs later, I found out that even though I really wanted to cry, I just could not. Only after I got home did I actually started crying (we had a half day of school today, ended at 12:30). My friends alternated between trying to make me feel better and making fun of me on the bus (about going to Campbell). Anyways, to sum it up, I'm really happy about Sammy hugging me, but I'm also equally sad that he's going to Wheeler after all and I'm going to Campbell. Also, leaving my friends is going to be really harsh and tough, but I have to go to Kelley's party now, so I'll try to be happy for another night and make some more fun memories. Byebye for now, going to go get ready for Kelley's party. PARTY!~~
The rest of the day flew by pretty quickly. With only the moments where I gave Alex his cookies (X3) and then later his photos (later I also gave Yvette, David, and Brian theirs) standing out in my mind. But disaster struck when we went to watch the customary slideshow. I realized, "THAT I HAD NOT SIGNED IN SAMMY'S YEARBOOK THIS YEAR. NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! *about to shoot myself* UGH". Me and Kelley laughed through the slideshow, but when we got up for dismissal, we found out the Yvette was the first to start blubbering, causing the others around her to also break out into tears. I didn't...
Anyways, I fought my way through the crowd and presented a new box of "Five" gum to Matt R. He was all like "o.o really?? for me?". And so I nodded my head and asked him for a hug in return. He paused in leaping over a chair, hugged me, and we said our goodbyes. Next I went to deliver Yvette and Brian's photos, where I found that Yvette was completely red-faced with tears streaming down. Then I noticed a small circle of girls scattered and crying, tears dripping onto the floor. But I didn't have time to worry over that yet, I had just spotted Sammy's brilliant blond head bobbing up and down in the sea of peers. Muttering hurried goodbyes, and distributing hugs, I quickly made my way up to him. He was talking to another guy so I waited, and thought, and then I went up to him after the guy walked away and asked him for a hug. A sheepish expression crept onto his face and the smile that I like so much came with it, the same smiled he had worn the night of the dance, when I confessed. So he said, "sure", opened his arms and I walked in. My head came up just to his chin in that warm embrace, I tilted my head slightly, so I felt the warmth of his wonderful chin resting on my forehead. He hugged me for a pretty long time, at least longer than some other people that I'm actually good friends with, but that might have just been my imagination, in which case, I now know how it feels to have time stop because of love. I hugged him tightly, burying my face against the folds of his brilliant turquoise shirt, wishing the moment would never end. Every detail, every sound, I noticed. But all good things have an end, so of course this did, too. His arms at last loosened, and though I really really wanted to just hug him all the tighter, I knew that it was time to let go, and with it, my past. But I can still remember, how in that moment, as he hugged my, his cheek brushed against mine, ahhh, the wonders that the very thought brings. And that little notion that movie makers have that surroundings just blur into nothingness when with the one you like? Well, it's true, completely true. In that moment, I seriously did not care who saw me. I seriously could not tell what was happening around us, who was who, or even 2x2.
But then the magic disappeared, the back of turquoise shirt disappearing into the crowd again as I walked away. Alot of hugs later, I found out that even though I really wanted to cry, I just could not. Only after I got home did I actually started crying (we had a half day of school today, ended at 12:30). My friends alternated between trying to make me feel better and making fun of me on the bus (about going to Campbell). Anyways, to sum it up, I'm really happy about Sammy hugging me, but I'm also equally sad that he's going to Wheeler after all and I'm going to Campbell. Also, leaving my friends is going to be really harsh and tough, but I have to go to Kelley's party now, so I'll try to be happy for another night and make some more fun memories. Byebye for now, going to go get ready for Kelley's party. PARTY!~~
Friday, May 14, 2010
Just Dance!
Sooo...today was our eighth grade dance. And, IT WAS AWESOME!!!
Everyone there was "formal' though the posters all said "dressy/casual" and Yuanhan and a group of friends dressed up as the mafia, he as their leader and they as bodyguards. Ahh, they all looked so cute in black suits and then randomly colored ties^^. And then I convinced him to go get pictures with Mary in the photo booth and then I got him to give her a rose. Kya~~~
Alot of friends started giving flowers and acting all storybook-like and I'm proud to say I conquered a little hill of mine too at the dance today. After 17 minutes of careful thought and a great bucket load of courage later, I finally walked up to Sammy in the last minute of the dance and...confessed. But of course something always goes wrong with everything I do. The music was really really loud (another reason for not walking up earlier was because I seriously didn't like some of the music, yes I'm a romantic freak) and so he actually didn't hear me the first time. Like, he looked like he knew what I was talking about but didn't really hear the words and just wanted to make sure or something. And so I had to say a condensed form a second time. But then...I just waited a second and LEFT. I talked to some friends and they were so shocked that I just LEFT after my confession. But was I not supposed to? Was I supposed to stay?? I'm so confused. I also don't really know his reaction. It was dark in there and there was a lot of background stuff and confusion, but I could swear that he almost looked amused. But not amused like he was laughing at me. Rather, he just had on a half-smile and a very peculiar expression that I can't describe at all. But I'm really proud of myself for finally telling him, now i can rest in peace. However, now there's a really serious question that my friends have asked, HOW AM I GOING TO FACE HIM ON MONDAY??? I mean, I kinda just left him after telling him and then ran away. After a weekend, it'll probably be even more awkward. And, since I left, will he ever give me a response? Even if he rejects he I still want to hear it from his mouth. A friend asked if I wanted her to find out for me on Monday, and I really want her to, but then wouldn't it be more awkward?!?! Ugh, I really really want to know and I'm so afraid that he'll just never tell me and shun me or something. I'm so paranoid and unreasonable, cause in the back of my head I've already known what the answer would be for three years already. But that's the only bad part of the dance, everything else was GREAT! No, scratch that, that little scene was definitely not a bad part of the dance, I'm really proud of myself for doing that, I would do it again if I ever got the chance to go back, and it in no way spoiled my evening.
Ahh, wish we could have stayed there forever~
Everyone there was "formal' though the posters all said "dressy/casual" and Yuanhan and a group of friends dressed up as the mafia, he as their leader and they as bodyguards. Ahh, they all looked so cute in black suits and then randomly colored ties^^. And then I convinced him to go get pictures with Mary in the photo booth and then I got him to give her a rose. Kya~~~
Alot of friends started giving flowers and acting all storybook-like and I'm proud to say I conquered a little hill of mine too at the dance today. After 17 minutes of careful thought and a great bucket load of courage later, I finally walked up to Sammy in the last minute of the dance and...confessed. But of course something always goes wrong with everything I do. The music was really really loud (another reason for not walking up earlier was because I seriously didn't like some of the music, yes I'm a romantic freak) and so he actually didn't hear me the first time. Like, he looked like he knew what I was talking about but didn't really hear the words and just wanted to make sure or something. And so I had to say a condensed form a second time. But then...I just waited a second and LEFT. I talked to some friends and they were so shocked that I just LEFT after my confession. But was I not supposed to? Was I supposed to stay?? I'm so confused. I also don't really know his reaction. It was dark in there and there was a lot of background stuff and confusion, but I could swear that he almost looked amused. But not amused like he was laughing at me. Rather, he just had on a half-smile and a very peculiar expression that I can't describe at all. But I'm really proud of myself for finally telling him, now i can rest in peace. However, now there's a really serious question that my friends have asked, HOW AM I GOING TO FACE HIM ON MONDAY??? I mean, I kinda just left him after telling him and then ran away. After a weekend, it'll probably be even more awkward. And, since I left, will he ever give me a response? Even if he rejects he I still want to hear it from his mouth. A friend asked if I wanted her to find out for me on Monday, and I really want her to, but then wouldn't it be more awkward?!?! Ugh, I really really want to know and I'm so afraid that he'll just never tell me and shun me or something. I'm so paranoid and unreasonable, cause in the back of my head I've already known what the answer would be for three years already. But that's the only bad part of the dance, everything else was GREAT! No, scratch that, that little scene was definitely not a bad part of the dance, I'm really proud of myself for doing that, I would do it again if I ever got the chance to go back, and it in no way spoiled my evening.
Ahh, wish we could have stayed there forever~
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