Questions...

With the passing of everyday, every minute, even every second, that special day is rapidly approaching. And I still have no idea what to give. Might it be better in the end just to give nothing at all? Or would that just make him think I don't like him anymore? Second question, does he even know I like him? I really hope so. But the most important question is, does he even care that I like him? With questions like these, it's a wonder we're not all insane yet.

If only the answer was within our grasp...but as others would say "where would the fun in that be?"...

Like A River Flowing. Ever Changing. Why?

on friday one of my very good friends went to school here in the US for very possibly the last time. today,, another of my friends held a farewell party for her before she left for japan. i cryed and begged my mom but of course it did no good, seeing as the party would have clashed with my violin lesson. though i'm sure my mom means well, sometimes i really have to question her decisions alotalot...on friday, i missed my ride to ballet because i was busy coping that friend's email down onto my hand, of course, as fate would have it, that was all for nothing. i would love to email her right now, but considering my luck, it's only natural that it rubbed off during ballet before i could copy it down onto something sturdier like paper. this wasted effort combined with the sadness of missing my friend's goodbye party is really stabbing a knife deep into my heart. already i'm missing her, even though it's only been two...not not even two...days. yes, i am listening to another chinese song, why, you ask? i don't really now, but apparently it helps me gather my thoughts and calm down. lol...

Not This Way. I Can't. I Won't.

I was eating dinner, and something seemed just horribly WRONG. I sit in my suburban house, with our suburban house, with my normal family, eating a nondescript dinner. I don’t want to live my life like this. I love my parents, but I don’t want to be them when I grow up. I feel odd. I feel WRONG, like my existence is a threat to the sanity of the world.

I don’t DO anything. Humans weren’t meant to LIVE like this. Sitting, loafing, WASTING AWAY on a couch, scrambling the internet, waiting for food to be handed to you on a silver platter. I’ve got to do something, something that matters, somethingsomethingsomething!!!!Ineedtogetout, live, be a human BEING, not a human SITTING. It’s partly society’s fault, but also mine for listening to society.

I need to get out of this cruel, claustrophobic world.

-the above was actually a post from a friend of mine's blog, reading it, i felt like i had to share it with my fellow views (of course, that basically just includes me, mself, and i, but ah well...anyways, this is an amazing interpretation of my veiw on life sometimes, something i've always felt but never been able to express in words. thank you afrocat for sharing this with me though you may never realize it, but should you or nyone else for that matter ever happen to stumble upon this site of a delusional little 13 year old then here it is. thank you again for putting into words what i've always thought.) =D

le Examen

lol, no it's not a french test on a sunday
it's actually my chinese final exam for chinese school, which is held on sundays
so now i'm really trying to divide my time between the exam tomorrow and studying for math, science, and georgia studies in actual school....
and to top all of that off, we also have this stupid georgia studies project all about the civil war
and then since wednesdays the last day of this nine weeks, i also have to figure out how to bring my latin grade up from an 88 -.-"
and of course, with my busy schedule of ballet and school and whatnot, i will never find time to go watch Alice in Wonderland T.T (came out yesterday, for those unknowing...)
and of course, even if i did find time, my mom would never let me go, saying "you've watched too many movies in such a short time, no more movies" (sadly, Avatar and The Lightning Thief were the only two movies i've seen in like five years, it's not my fault that they were both so close together)
lol, whatever, i'll just figure ut a way around, maybe an arranged kidnapping from one of my friends or something =D

His Special Day

yes, his birthday is coming up soon, very soon in fact. there's only less than a week and it'll hit. last year, he was completely free, and so i got him a pack of pencils, since he was always asking me for them. but this year however, i don't even know if he's taken or not. if he was, then wouldn't it be too bold for me to do anything other than say happy birthday? and if i did give him something, then he would be obligated to accept it and then maybe i'll have even less of a chance to be even just friends. but really, what practical item would the average lacrosse playing boy of 14 want for his b-day from 'just a friend"? and not even a close one at that:(

happiness

YES! i know it's kinda late at night, but i was just talking with a friend, reading some blogs, listening to awesome chinese music =D, and like, thinking back to the past^^
but now i've come up with a conclusion that i am deetermined to follow at least whenever i remember no matter how depressed or tired i may be feeling-FROM NOW ON NO MATTER WHAT I MAY BE FEELING I SHALL ALWAYS PUT ON A HAPPY FACE AND BEE HAPPY FOR MY FRIENDS NO LONGER WILL I ALLOW MY FRIENDS TO BE DEPRIVED OF THEIR TIME AND JOY BECAUSE OF ME FROM NOW ON I WILL ONLY ADD TO IT ALL.
okay, there^^ feel so much better already, and i really like this song XD
okay, maybe it is a little sad, but for some reason sad songs always help me relax and feel happier
well, i have school tomorrow so night ~.~

lol

lol, i've only just remembered that i even had a blog when my friend mentioned hers. i'd say that i'll try blogging more, but then i'll probably just forget and look bad XD.
school was pretty bad this week, we've had sooo many tests and quizzes this week and now i have a 88 in latin and it's probably impossible to bring it back up. and then on top of all that, the guy i've liked for almost three years now is really starting to look as if he's going out with this girl. i can't even seem to manage a brief conversation with him anymore, she hangs around him so much, and the rest of the time, he's surrounded by his friends. guess i should just give up. i mean, turns out he got accepted into wheeler magnet, but is probably going to pope high because they're better at lacrosse. if he went to wheeler, then i (dumb fool that i am) would probably follow him there, just cause that certain girl is also designated for walton high like me. but since he isn't, then maybe i'll go to walton too, i mean, i really do want to, it's just that my mom might make me go to wheeler just cause it's a magnet school...yeah...
well, done rating for today, let's move on to a happier subject^^
i would said this earlier, but since this is as early as i can manage, yay for apolo eight!!!! i really hope he's back for the winter olympics four years later in russia. but i really don't think it was far how apolo and celski were disqualified, but sadly, i'm done ranting for now so, ja na^^ byebye