Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Why Is It Always So?
I think I may have just had a sliiight mental break down. I mean, I'm really low on sleep and am so stressed out about school and clubs and everything else right now so I knew that this was going to happen sooner or later. I did try keeping all of my feelings of hopelessness about the world to myself though, since I'm the one always insisting I can manage all of my work. But that's just because I want my mom to be proud of me. Not that she ever really seems like it.. Yeah. But today when my mom started banging on my mental condition about how my math basically sucks, my mental force field that normally holds all the pieces of my despair together kinda slipped for a moment. And then with the gushing torrent of awfulness that crack just opened wider and wider and wider until everything came out. Honestly, I didn't even know I was feeling all of that. I wish there was someone in my life that I could confide in, but I really feel obligated towards myself to preserve a calm-ish, strong-ish, able-to-handle-everything-ish image. So I guess this blog is the only place in the world where I've shared all of my emotions, I mean, who looks at my blog that even cares about me at all? Or even knows me for that matter.. Kinda ironic, huh. The place where the most unlimited stream of audience members could file pass and read about my life is in actuality my only safe place. This is probably the one place in my life where I can really be myself and let all of my real thoughts and opinions out. I don't have to impress anyone here..right? Right. Cause this is my place.