Is There No One We Can Belive? Must We Always Live In Secrecy? Why???

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...why...do i always place my trust in the wrong people? yuanhan, i can't believe i trusted him for a second...just because i helped him get together with his current girlfriend...why did i think for even one second that he would keep a secret of mine...?

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*sigh*

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i'll never learn will i??

here's what happened...or rather...a shortened version of it all...

*ahem*

yuanhan needed to get together with his "unofficial" girlfriend and make it "official", so since her birthday was coming up, i helped him decide what kind of gift to give her. i then also helped chose the actual necklace. and help him get enough swagbucks money to trade in for some amazon giftcards before it was to late to buy anything for her birthday. this all worked out perfectly, they got together, she loved the necklace.

i was feeling really lonely at that time, lovesick i guess from helping him out so much. i really needed to confess, but i wasn't able to, and i wanted someone in my grade that knew who i liked, maybe even help me plot to get him, the same way i helped yuanhan. at that time, the only person i had ever told about my interests was this seventh grader, vanessa (i'll likely start calling her vanilla later on, just so you know, it's my nickname for my bestest friend (= ). so i told yuanhan, everything, about sammy. at first he kept quiet, but then...he struck. now that i think back to it, it was just like the calm before the storm. before i knew it, he was always gesturing subtly towards sammy, the more people there, the more ostentatiously he gestured. always mocking me, hoping sammy and everyone else would hear. sometimes i could subdue he shouts, reminding him of how i had helped, but later, it'd just be back to how it was before...except worse. even at the Wheeler orientation, he saw sammy in the crowds, and sitting in the middle of all our friends he began calling over to me "oh look, sharon, it's SAMMY (particularly choseing to shout his name). sammy LOPEZ. oh my sharon, aren't you excited? it's SAMMY LOPEZ" with each mention of his name, a shout out towards sammy's direction. and this was in the middle of all my friends, matt, wenhan, my parents, adam, adam's parents, wenhan's parents, EVERYONE, even nathan...i kept it from nathan, cause he's been saying he likes me for two years now, i don't wanna break his heart or have him hate me, no...i want to keep my friends. but that entire tour, yuanhan kept popping up "have you seen sammy yet? HMMM??". even today at lunch, he seemed in a bad mood. this was confirmed when he started talking about sammy again, not even trying to disguise the mocker deep in his voice, that scornful hatred brewing in his eyes...i'm sick of all this, i hope my friends, however impossible it may be, haven't heard what he's been saying. i especially hope sammy hasn't heard...i wish...i had never trusted him...

if the time ever comes...i want to be the one confessing to him, i don't need anyone else telling him either "for my own good" or just to ruin my life...

no...i will do it...

if the time comes...

no

when the time comes...